Confused selfish me

start this blog knowin nothing really what i want to talk about….i have a vague feeeling but nothin concrete….something to do with me ,my life…my dreams…what i am and what i want to be…

as a child everyone has some dreams..aspirationsss….some hopes of bright future ….before you judge this as a blog of a whiner whining about how he is not what he wants to be…how he chose some carreer just because that was the only option or parents forced them…let me tell you…i am actually happy with My job and my carreer choices…yes i am one of those software professionals….but no i didnt come in this industry because it was the only choice available,i came here because i wanted to come..i enjoy my job…i like developmnt ,coding,consultancy…i like solving these problems…


sometimes i think why i made decesions that i made….i mean there were many other loves in my life other than of them physics…i just loved it………today while browsing about quantum phisics,black holes i again had this sudden urge to become a self taught theorotical physists..even found a great site to help me out am not a nerd..but yes i like physics….

another one…a teacher…i love this also….have taught a bit in my college days…and was pretty succesful…judging by the attendance rate in my class

a motivatinal speaker maybe… friend used to comment taht i can make a man jump from mt everest without a parachute(i dont know was it because i motivate well or iritate well)….(note i said a man not a women…..;)…

a social worker…yeah i love helping people and i am not humble etc about that….i like it gives me a high….i love the appreciation ,yes i do….and i genuinly feel great if i can make anyone smile….also m pretty great with kids….ahh am so unbashfully arrogant and selfish(i know that :P.and i dont care)…

but why software engineer….maybe the money..yes i like to be rich..who doesnt…..maybe the growth…i am a super ambitious person….materialistic you may call..but i like to grow in my carrrer at a faster pace…maybe being from a middle class family the importance of money was embedded in me since childhood….what were the reasons…..

why am i writing this blog..because i sometimes feel this stroong pull towards the other loves of my life…that i fear that i might simpl leave what i have and run after something that i dont have….and you know what i still dont feel the fear of loosing……

what i fear is that if i leave one love of my life and run after the other i might have regrets later in life about misiing my first love…what i could have achieved

its like..even if i leave my current profession to become a social worker and even be very succesful..when ill look at people like narayan murthy ..will i feel a grudge that i could have been like him….maybe i am too selfish…i want to do everything in this life….

is that posible..maybe,maybe not….maybe i can give it a try…i might or might not be succesful..but i will have no regrets…

So here i decide to actually stop myself from stopping myself to follow other dreams simultaneusly…like

i started a novel when i was in 9th standard…and i started another one 2 yrs back…ill try complete it…if no publisher accepts it i will self publish it

I have joined an NGO 2 yesra back and have done some work their..i will fuel more energies towards making a diffrence..i even teach there so will keep doing that

i will devote more time towards learning calculus and reading about paulies exclusion principle,hiensberg uncertainity theorem ,string theory,and how they effect this universe

i might become a jack of all trades…but i will try to be the master of one also

i believe many people deeep inside think on similar lines i am sure…i just think aloud…tell me if am wrong

Comment using Facebook

2 thoughts on “Confused selfish me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *