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[Old]Featured Blogging India

Working Mothers should be ashamed of themselves?

Surprisingly, this actually was a topic of a recent Facebook discussion I was part of.

People who follow me on Facebook know that I generally get involved in long debates on Facebook (Swear will cut down on that :P), but of all debates, this one stands out.

So let me set the context: A woman “blogger” who left her career to take care of her kids posted the following video of apparently a day care owner ( which later turned out to be the mother herself)  mistreating a child, and made a statement that all women who leave their kids in day care  should be ashamed of themselves and I pity such women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cebPMy3_qOI

and this was the start of a long drawn debate where I debated mainly on 2 points

1. There are enough support systems in place, just because you chose to sacrifice your career does not mean that others should .No point taking working mothers on a guilt trip

2. This reinforces the stereotype that raising the kid is only a women’s job primarily .

Nevertheless this debate brings forward some interesting points to ponder

Do working mothers really have a negative impact on child’s upbringing? :

Now the statement that is often quoted by supporters of this idea is  that having a working mother negatively impacts the upbringing of a child as supposedly the child feels unloved etc etc etc, while the detractors say that this is an age old myth and on the contrary , it helps in overall growth of the child. So how do we solve this? Which belief system do we go with?

Working Mother
Photo credit:Ian Riley

Well we can turn to research. Enough number of research on this area has conclusively proven that having a working mother does not harm the child’s development in any way . Not only that, some studies have even suggested that children who have been in out of home care homes(Creche) are more likely to participate in extracurricular activities .

Yes, during the initial months of a baby , a mother’s presence is very much required but the question is till when?Should that imply that until the child grows up to be 6-7 years old , the woman should sacrifice her career?

In my debate with the woman , she mentioned she is old school and wants to listen to her kids problems in school etc etc ,so I assume her point was that till the kid is about 7-8 maybe ,women should Stay at Home, or perhaps forever till the kid is married .

Am I making a case for working moms? No, I am saying it is your own choice, your choice does not make you morally superior to women who choose otherwise.

 How does this mentality affect women?

Why was I against this status? Do I hate kids :P?

Well here it is how it affects women

  1. It makes women feel guilty for working, even if they are able to take care of their children
  2. Unless required financially , it basically strengthens the age old myth that women should stay home
  3. It absolves the father of almost any role in the upbringing of the child
  4. It assumes that women who work somehow do not know what is going on in the lives of their kids.As if only a stay at home mom is a good mom.
  5. It is a vicious circle You need to have kids anyways–>You will need to sacrifice your career–> why such long and expensive education –> why higher education–> Why education at all?
  6. It also affects the daughters to not be Career Oriented.
  7. It encourages stereotypes in workplace also : Eg: How can we call companies ,which do not want to hire women as they believe that they will not stick around long term.wrong?
  8. It takes focus away from the real solutions such as :
  •       Why can’t we encourage more offices to have baby care centers .
  •       Let men also take advantage of paternity leaves
  •       Increase paternity leave duration if required
  •       Encourage more companies to introduce flexi hours
  •       Better regularisation of creches .Eg: I heard of a few creches with CCTV which are  continuous monitored  .Parents can see their kids via Live feed from anywhere.You can literally stalk your kids :P.

So what happened to my discussion?

Well for starters, believe it or not : Because I was not agreeing to the point of view of a “Woman” I was labelled as a typical Male Chauvinist by a female friend of her , a comment which she agreed to When I tried to defend saying this is perhaps misplaced feminism and I could argue that you are not able to take an opinion from a man, I was told That I was a sexist 😛 .

So Because I said that We should not use these arguments to discourage women from working, and because I said that working women are as good as stay at home moms and because I said that this is strengthening the stereotype that women are the only ones responsible for child care ..I was a typical Male Chauvinist .

That was not all, it was theorised that perhaps  I had a bad childhood because of a working Mom or possibly my Wife/ sister were working and I was trying to satisfy my conscience by fighting for them….

To be fair, a few people expressed their silent support by liking some of my comments and another MAN(I suppose another typical Male Chauvinist ?) came forward and reiterated the point that there is no reason for working women to be ashamed .

Nevertheless, When I raised objections ,I was asked not to comment , my comments were selectively deleted and I was finally blocked so that I could not respond to the discussion where I was being called a typical Male Chauvinist 😛 ..What should I say, the lady wanted to have the last word ?

Not sure, should I be sad that a woman is trying to pull other women down or be happy that men actually are coming forward to at-least debate on this and that too from the other side.

Nevertheless , if interested in a women’s perspective read this brilliant article by MARINA ADSHADE. 
Stay-at-home moms: Stop pretending you’re better. Signed, working moms
A quote from her article

 Parenting for us is not a hobby that we pick up on the weekends to amuse ourselves. Just as you do not stop being a mother during the hours your child is at school, we do not stop being mothers when we are at work. There are no part-time opportunities in parenthood.

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[Old]Featured Videos

Creating Advertisements

I love creating advertisements because it is like story telling, it needs to capture an Idea and tell a brand story in a few seconds or minutes.

Recently I have been involved in creating various video advertisements and promotions for various events and clubs at  Indian School Of Business

Listing below some of the work I was involved with

I am generally involved in conceptualizing and post production that includes editing, voice overs ,effects etc. There are many more individuals involved, see the end of videos for credits

 

1. iDiya: National Social Venture Challenge by ISB. Introduction Video: 2012

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7RYIUns7pE]

 

2. ISB Super League 2012

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoXUxfb53bg]

3. Titans: A Team at ISB Super League

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-UFDC8cySk]

4,. iDiya: Why iDiya Video

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6gNrYT94q8]

5. Solstics 2012 : ISB Alumni Meet: Welcome Video

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CccuAfsLYw]

~By Madhur Chadha

 

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[Old]Featured Inspirations

Top 5 lyrical songs on youtube -English

Recently I shared a list of some of the best poets and poetry performances available on youtube.Music and poetry are not very separate from each other so it would be apt to follow it with some of the best lyrical and beautiful songs (My ratings). These songs have a meaning and a mesmerizing quality that makes them linger in your head for a very long time
So here is a list of some of my favorite songs, yes there are many more which I will share later.

PS:All english songs in this edition

TOP SONGS on Youtube

 

5: Goodbye my lover:

Agreed it is a heart breaking song but man, is it beautiful? .The best way to enjoy is to listen to the live version.Live versions tend to me more soulful and heart touching. James blunt sings accompanied only with a piano and that leads it a sense of simplicity. Beautiful lyrics and beautiful music

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln8Sj_BDUrs]

4: Fix You:Coldplay

I should not be saying much about this song, it just grows on you.Just listen to not just the music but the lyrics,

first para:I suggest you give it a full listen

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI-o25K6B-E]

 

3:Say what you need to say

I think the title of this  song by John Mayers explains everything.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSS0wtjrm1U]

2:Nightingale by Norah Jones

Norah jones possibly has one of the most soothing voices present..
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu_EJAM8N98]

1:Fireflies by Owl City

If I were given an option to wish “I wish that this song was composed by me”, I would select this song without a thought.It is so amazing, its talks about the natural inquisitiveness of a child mixed with a little nerdiness ,a perfect combination. I cannot tell you how much I Love this song, it has been my number 1 for ages
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psuRGfAaju4]

Do you have more songs to recommend? Let me know

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[Old]Featured

8 PM Rape in gurgaon –Letter from men

Dear Gurgaon administration,
Today I have been informed that you have banned women from working beyond 8:00 PM to stop them from being raped. I write this letter in extreme delight and want to commend you on your fantastic work .
I want to thank you for clearing a lot of misconceptions we men folks have had since we were Rape in gurgaon OK after 8:00children, misconceptions that our parents taught us and misconceptions that we thought were right.
PS:This is a letter from a huge majority of men who still respect women and neither are or planned to become rapist. We are the ones who studied with women/girls in schools and colleges and work with them in offices
Here are a few

1. Women and men are Equal: . Women certainly are second class citizens who do not deserve to be protected beyond 8:00 PM. It’s ok for male criminals to roam on streets but not decent women.

2. Women should be respected: Thanks for clearing that after 8:00 its OK to be cosy with them, because they invited it.Dirt is not in men’s mind but in women’s clothes and time of the day

3.Some men are rapist: Thank you for telling us that after 8:00 every man on street is a potential rapist. Before 8:00 we are friends, colleagues,enemies of women but as the gong strikes 8 we undergo a change .

Also We want to thank you for helping our career.Since you might not be aware about the MAll culture of these times ,let me tell you that the real life starts @8PM. You need maximum manpower after 8:00 PM and since it is such a hassle to keep female employees after 8:00 in malls ,we can well be assured that manpower will remain (man)power and not have much in terms of women

Can I suggest some more reforms that will make the city even safer for women:
1. All mall owners should be required to dig a tunnel from the mall to a women employee’s house. This will make sure she is not forced to pass through a field of rapists on loose on streets.

Also these tunnels should be changed every week,to prevent any rapist(read men ) from finding the route
2. The cutoff time for women in offices should be decided by the latest time of rape committed.. Suppose a rape is committed @6:00 PM the cutoff should be revised to 6:00
3.No FIR for crime against women should be registered after the cut off time: This will make sure those BAD Ladies follow the cutoff enforcement

Also I would like to commend you for not following the lengthy methods that many scoundrels are saying are the right methods for fighting this menace such as

1. Increase security–You simply banned women, so good of you for saving the policemen from over work

2.Sensitize and educate men–When did education work anyways?

3.Ban alcohol: Many rapes are done by men under influence of alcohol, thank you for not banning alcohol and saving the livelihood of liqor mafia

4.Free self defense training to women: Poof why would you want to do that

5.Distribute pepper spray: Ohh why would you want women to injure the potential rapist? Pepper sprays are dangerous

6. Have decent streetlights in dark areas: Who would want to spend money on that

7.Push for stricter punishment for rapist: Come one rape is never committed but invited

8.Ban Men : If you can’t protect women ,some people suggest  that you should ban men on streets after 8:00. What fools they are sir, men and women are not equal as you clarified earlier

Thank you for not falling for peer pressure

Also read what twitter had to say about all this
By Madhur Chadha
Blog adda Spicy saturday picks
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[Old]Featured Poetry Videos

PAPa

एक बेटी की अपने स्वर्गवासी पिता को लिखी एक चिठ्ठी
बेटी:सुधा जोशी
I am humbled to see that someone asked me to record this.Is an honor to be trusted by someone to this extent to be asked to record a letter to her deceased father. I hope i have been
able to do some justice

Blog adda Spicy saturday pics
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsXDiIeqR2s]

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[Old]Featured Plays Radio Videos

Kabuliwala by Rabindranath Tagore

Rabindranath TagoreI love stories, who doesn’t ?I remember as a kid I used to finish my Hindi and English books even before the classes start. No ,I was not a nerd and neither was I a topper in my school. I was an average student who loved stories,especially short stories.

I remember NCERT textbooks on science started a new trend of publishing biographies of scientists along with their works and i used to spend hours ,even on the night before an exam, reading those biographies.

All stories at some level did impact me and i am sure most of you, only later did I come to know(realised) that many of those stories were actually writen by great writers such as Rabindranath Tagore.

One of his famous work was a short story “Kabuliwala” It is a story of Kabuliwala who befriends a little girl Mini and sees his own daughter in her.The story is narrated by Minni’s father.

This story had no direct “moral of the story” theme and was not really about preaching anything, on the contrary the main character of the story “Kabuliwala” commits  a murder but story is not about all this,the story is about his love for minni,how he sees his own daughter in her and how he keeps a palm print of his daughter as a remembrance.

There are many touching moments in the story and the description of characters is so simple yet so vivid that you could actually imagine all characters and your imagination might not be very different from mine.

So here I present to you an audio of a story that is part of my childhood and possibly many others

Kabuliwala
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvMXGUOqPPA]

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[Old]Featured Poetry Videos

Choti khushi–hindi

khushiyon ka intezaar kar rahe ho?

 

 

Ek din baitha tha yun hi

kar raha tha taiyari ,kai dino se ek badi khushi ka intezaar tha

soch raha tha ,kya kya karoonga jab wo aayegi,

naachoonga,gaoonga khoob dhoom machaonga

fir achanak darwaze par dastak hui

meine pucha kaun hai

Wo boli khushi,khushi hoon mein

haan thodi choti hoon,wo nahi jiski raah tum taak rahe ho

par hooon khushi hi, andar aa jaoon?

mein bola ruko zara,kuch kaam khatam kar loon

us badi khushi ke aane ka intezaam kar loon

 

Life goes on
choti khushiyaan

fir mein itna masroof ho gaya ki use bhool hi gaya

usne fir dastak di

boli,dahleez to paar karwa do chahe ghar mein jagah na dena

andar to aane do chahe swikaar na karna

mein kheej kar  bola,yaar tum pareshaan bahut karti ho , tum baad mein aana

,badi khushi ke swagat mein pakwaan banane hain

bahut kaam abhi baaki hain

kai intezaam abhi baaki hain

choti khushi boli, mein to roz aati hoon, din mein kai baar ,tum hi darwaza nahi kholte

ab nahi aaongi,kehkar wo pair patakye hue bache ke jaise chali gai

 

kai baras beet gai ,badi khushi nahi aai

pakwaan kharaab ho gaye,deewaron ka rang feeka  pad gaye

dil jaise taras gaya uske intezaar mein

par badi khushi nahi aai

Ek din sapno mein mila us badi khushi se

to pucha, tum mere ghar kyon nahi aai

meine khoob taiyari ki thi tumhare aane ki

pakwaan banaye,sapne bune,ghar sajaye

 

wo boli–are tumne pehchana nahi ,aai thi,kai baar aai thi par tab mera kad shayad chota tha.

tumne aane nahi diya, par kisi aur ne khuli baahon se apnaya

dekho aaj kitni badi ho gai hoon

 

ye sunte hi mein paseene paseene hokar uth baitha,bhaag kar darwaza khola par koi nahi tha

 

Aaj mera dil aur darwaza dono khule hain

par koi dastak nahi karta , koi dehleez paar karne ki zid nahi karta

koi dastak nahi karta

 

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[Old]Featured philosophy Reflections

On Death–what is death. Part 1–Clinical death

Ok this is not a post that takes sadistic pleasure in making people sad or reminding people that they are about to die etc etc.This is just a philosophical take on the theory of death. I love philosophy and why not take a view on what death is .Just exploring what is death.

The last journey of death
The last journey..Pic courtesy Vik Aadi

A brilliant lecture series on death by Shelly Kagan has triggered my thought process

So what is death? How do you define death?

One thing we all agree is that death is the END of something. Death signifies finish, end,completion. Something that dies does not exist after it is dead.

Yes I will talk about rebirth but more on that later

Back to death–

Various view points exist on this but majorly there are two lines of thought.Here we discuss the first one

Clinical death: You all must have heard the term clinically dead, in terms of science a person is dead when the body stops functioning. More specifically ,when a person stops breathing and when  blood stops circulating the person is clinically dead. When blood flow stops, brain activity ceases in about 40 seconds and that marks the end of that person.This type of death is depressing, plain but agrees with whatever we see and observe.The question on what happens to a person who is dead is moot because that person does not exist

Now this particular line of thought defines death as cassation of functioning of various organs of a person. But then within its definition we have the ambiguous definition of the word person. If my blood is not flowing does that mean I don’t exist? More on what am I later.

But we do get a gist of what exactly clinical death is.

 

Another problem with this definition is that :it fails to address the question of revival of clinically dead people.

If I am dead I do not exist .In that case once my blood stops flowing , I cease to exist ,but what if I am revived? ,do I start existing again?

This is absurd,because if I did not exist, how can I exist the very next moment. Clearly this implies that even though I was clinically dead, I was not really dead because I still existed, only then  can I be brought back. This means I am more than my blood flow and my brain activity. Or this death is not really death ,because I did not cease to exist after I was dead.

So this idea of death seems to lack something on philosophical grounds , the question still stands what exactly is death and how do you  define something as dead?

—Part 2: Religious views on death

 

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[Old]Featured Plays

My Daughter’s Facebook(play)—part 1

facebool love
Scene 1:
Living room of a comfortable, upper middle class home. An old lady in her mid 50s is sitting on the sofa along with her husband . They have 3 visitors ,a mother father and son sitting  on the sofa right next to them.They all seem to be waiting for someone. The lady anxiously looks at her phone checking her facebook messages while her husband looks gloomy and sad, he is looking down and not able to face the  guests
Lady: She generally doesn’t do this, she must have been stuck somewhere
Boys mother: That’s ok, we will wait, traffic is bad
Lady: thanks, i hope shes ok
they proceed to some chit chat on how bad the traffic is, and  how the pollution is  making everyone allergic.The lady tells that she beleives pollution was the root cause of acne  and the boys mother seemed to agree

Boy: Your daughter knows that we were coming to meet her right
Lady: Oh yes she did ,see she sent me a message some time back
also if you are thinking we are doing anything against her wish, don’t take any tension on that front, see her FB status update “Excited about tomorrow, big day” said the lady flipping her daughters face book update on her phone
Lady: shes very eager to meet you,i heard you guys are friends also on FB
Boy: oh yes , i sent her a request yesterday, she did accept it but we have not really spoken or chatted yet

Lady: Shes a very nice girl, very modern in outlook, upto date with the latest trends ,very sweet and talkative. She taught me how to use this stupid facbook also, and now we chat with each other mostly using this only…grinned the old lady marvelling at her technical accomplishments
Boys mother: That’s v sweet, i could never get a hang of it, he(pointing to the boy) did try to teach me but somehow i dont like it. I still cant get my head around why would people share about what they feel on internet with others .This generation is beyond me
Boy: Oh come on mom, its not that bad
Boys Mother: Ahh, tell me whats this whole concept of Poke is that and insult or what?

Boy: Grinning..i dont know
Boys father: Oh let the new generation have fun, wen we were young  we romanced by sending scented postcards, these guys send emails ..time change
Boy:Scented postcards
Lady: Yes beta, you know uncle sent me 3 of them asking if i loved him. i finally said yes on the third one
Boy:3 postcards..that’s it? that’s easy ..your generation rocked
****light awkward and forced laughter******
*****the lady’s husband doesn’t laugh, hes just angry over something, he excuses himself for a moment and goes away*******
Lady: But Sapna is not so easy Nikhil beta, shes very choosy, scented postcards wont do, you will have to do a lot to keep her happy
Boy: Don’t worry Aunty, but where is she?
Lady: I am worried too, where could she be, i sent her a message also, this is not very usual of her.But let me tell you when eh saw your profile, she was very excited, you were exactly what she was looking for in her husband, i am sure you both will hit off very well
Boy: Thanks aunty, i am eager to meet her now
***the lady’s phone vibrates, she has received a message on facebook from sapna****
“Mom why are you doing this, please let them go, you know i cant marry”

****To be continued******

Why do you think sapna cannot marry?

My Daughter’s Facebook(play)—part 2
My Daughters facebook -Part 3(finale) 
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[Old]Featured Humor

WHEN NOT TO HONK– A DUMMIES GUIDE

You are on the road , chilling out, minding your own business and suddenly Hoooooonk, teed e du teed….

Blowing your own horn
Read this before you honk away to glory

You turn back and you see a Car wallah honking his car horn ,no body knows why. I do not know what sadistic pleasure people derive by Honking unnecessarily, especially the ones with pressure horns This post is dedicated to such people. A guide to know when you should not Honk or inappropriate uses of a Honk.

Here is the list

Yeah I have arrived: You just saved a hell lot of money and bought your first car/Bike and I know you are happy. Good, please be happy but for God’s sake don’t share the happiness with everyone on the road by honking. Yeaah we know your car also has a horn, a freaking horn that actually makes a sound, can you believe that? but still don’t push that Horn button. If you really do push it , think like this, there are 1000s of people who buy cars every day and many of them are more expensive  than yours, many buy their second,third bikes, they buy with change in their pocket and most people around you own a car/bike already, you are late join, so basically you are not really special and if you still feel like showing Off, Go bang your head on the road

Attracting the chicks: Seriously you think so? If yes you probably will never get one and don’t even deserve one. Ohh so that lady that day looked at you when you honked, no she wasn’t appreciating your honking but actually telling her friend that you are a looser. And if you actually attract a girl by honking, I am sorry you probably paid for it

At Red Lights: Ok the next time you honk when the light is red think like this, what is the purpose of my life? Why i am I even alive?

I still don’t understand why people behind me Honk when I am merrily standing at a red light. Is the light green from where you see it? It can only happen if you are at least a couple of light years away.I always point out to wards the RED colored light when someone does that ,but I don’t get it, don’t you know RED is for stop? Please go back to school. I seriously believe if someone does that he should be forced to sit with 3rd standard students for a month and read the chapter on Traffic lights, made to draw those lights and color them with crayons. People like these will probably fail

When light turns Green: Woooow you finally saw a green light, did you realize I saw one too. Now are you so happy that you want to express your excitement with a heartfelt HONK? or do you think people in front of you slept? Noone sleeps in freaking 1.5 minutes, no no-one on steering wheel. Even if you think so, wait for a minimum 20 sec before blowing your precious Horn

When an RJ tells you to: I am appalled at some Rjs asking people to Honk according to a certain tune or at a certain times. Wooow…Ok in your comfy studios it seems like a good idea, entire city honking at once,synchronized Pom Pom but Dude RJ, please come outside .100 different honks irrespective of how well they are timed are terrible, please don’t use this method to spread your popularity or gauge your reach. Grow up. All such RJs should be Fined for spreading unnecessary Sound pollution.

Whenever you see a bike: Contrary to popular opinion Bike drivers do hear. Yes you see that Biker who suddenly slowed down , in-spite of you honking continuously for 5 minutes he didn’t speed up. Well that could be me. You honk at me for no reason , I do that. I will slow down. Dude inside your cars you don’t hear the horns, come outside and enjoy the sweet sound of your pressure horn that you have been blowing continuously in my ears. I would let you pass if I had the tiniest fraction of space, but if you don’t stop honking I will make sure you don’t pass. Trust me , Iwont.Many bikers wont. Even if you are on a Truck or a freaking Ferrari, I will make sure you drive @40kmph(officially the speed limit at most places). Happy safe driving 🙂

Being TOO safe: Please don’t honk whenever you pass every car, you don’t get points for that. They can view you, that’s what rear view mirrors are for. Honk only if you sense real danger, if you sense danger with every car, you probably shouldn’t be driving

And if you still miss your Honk, please load that in your ipod and listen to it when you sleep. Trust me you will wake up refreshed, you probably will not hear anything else again

Please add any more situations I might have missed.

SPREAD THE LIGHT..EDUCATE THE WORLD..SPREAD THE WORD….if you are a honker, i hope you are a convert, if you are not a honker, spread this to reach all honkers

 

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